Unwholesome Talk: A Biblical and Mental Health Perspective
Speak with Impact in Mind, Not Just Intent
"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." Some people interpret this verse as a warning against profanity or crude jokes, but the original Greek text suggests something much deeper. The word "unwholesome" comes from sapros, which means rotten, useless, or unhelpful; it’s used to describe spoiled food that no longer nourishes. Imagine giving a starving person a rotten banana. It may feel like an act of generosity, but it is ultimately useless and even harmful. Similarly, words spoken with good intentions can be useless, even harmful, if we don’t consider our listener or their needs. Paul is encouraging the Ephesian Christians to consider the impact of their words.
Have you ever thought, “I’m just speaking the truth" when you share a Bible verse to call out sin, correct someone, or give tough advice? Truth without love can wound and love does not come in a "one-size-fits-all" package. Understanding the truth, and speaking it in love, often requires a relationship built on trust and compassion. If we don't consider the listener, words meant to help can actually harm. Similarly, if we focus only on our intent rather than the impact of our words, our words may be unwholesome (unhelpful). While intent is about the speaker; impact is about the listener.
Ephesians 4:29 isn’t just about avoiding certain words; it’s about speaking in a way that genuinely benefits others. In the context of mental health, this aligns with communication strategies that foster encouragement, healing, and understanding.
Let’s break it down into three key parts to see how mental health concepts can equip us to obey scripture:
Do Not Let Any Unwholesome Talk Come Out of Your Mouths, But Only What Is Helpful" — Active Listening
When we think about wholesome speech, it’s not just about avoiding harmful words—it’s about choosing words that truly help. That begins with active listening: fully engaging with someone’s words and emotions before offering a response. Psychologically, words have the power to shape emotions, self-perception, and even brain chemistry.
What Is Active Listening?
Active listening means fully engaging with someone as they speak, with the goal of connecting and understanding what the world looks like through their eyes. It’s not just about making the other person feel heard and understood, it’s about actually hearing and understanding their truth.
Key Elements of Active Listening:
Be present. Give your full attention and make eye-contact; pause your mind to process what the other person is expressing.ze negative thought patterns and replace them with truth, aligning their minds with God’s Word. Check out these CBT-based strategies that may help:
Listen for understanding, not to prepare for your response. Instead of formulating what you’ll say next, focus on what the other person is communicating through both their words and emotions.
Paraphrase or reflect their words back to check your understanding. Sometimes you’ll find that you misunderstood what the speaker was saying or hearing their own words may help the speaker realize they want to clarify or correct themselves. “She never called you back? I can imagine you felt used in that situation.”
Validate their feelings. Acknowledge their experience rather than dismissing it. You’re not agreeing or disagreeing with how they feel. You’re simply observing what is real about how they feel and confirming that you recognize their feelings. For example: “That sounds really painful. I can see why you feel that way.”
Ask clarifying and open-ended questions. Instead of assuming, say: “Can you tell me more about that?”
Respond with empathy. Offer words that comfort, encourage, or clarify, rather than criticize. Even if the person has made wrong choices, imagine how they feel.
Regardless of the approach you choose, the goal of active listening is to withhold judgment and understand the person’s inner world. You want them to feel seen. Consider how different responses can impact someone who is struggling. If a friend says, "I'm so overwhelmed," the response matters:
❌ Unhelpful: “God won’t give you more than you can handle. You just need to trust Him more.” (Dismisses their struggle and adds pressure.)
✅ Helpful: “That sounds really hard. I’m here for you.” (Acknowledges their feelings and offers support.)
“A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver.”
Timing Matters
Active listening doesn’t mean you never correct someone. It means you discern when correction is actually helpful. If a person is overwhelmed, hurting, or venting, they may not be in a place to receive advice yet. In those moments, what they need most is to be heard. Consider Proverbs 25:11: "A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver." Timing and delivery matter. Before jumping to correction, ask yourself: “Is this the right moment? Does this person need to feel understood first or do I need to gain a better understanding of their situation first?”
The opposite of unwholesome talk isn’t just avoiding harmful words—it’s intentionally choosing words that are helpful. Sometimes, the best words are no words at all; just listening with love.
“Helpful for Building Others Up According to Their Needs” — A Strengths-Based Approach
The phrase “building others up” is often translated as edifying, which means to strengthen or encourage. But edification is not one-size-fits-all. True encouragement considers the other person’s individual needs rather than assuming what we think is true or best for them. At Boundless Hope, our therapists, don’t simply follow a medical model of diagnosing illness and prescribing remedies. We take a strengths-based approach that highlights inner resilience and resourcefulness.
What Is A Strengths-Based Approach?
A strengths-based approach is a form of positive psychology that begins with the assumption that we were all created with beneficial qualities and characteristics. This is right in line with the Christian belief that we are all made in the image of our Creator. Identifying and developing strengths improves relationships and personal wellness. That’s why we believe therapy is for everyone. Not everyone is mentally ill but we can all grow and improve our mental health. Let’s explore a few ways a Strengths-Based approach can build others up.
Adopting a Strengths-Based Approach In Conversation
Focus on Strengths and Assets: When giving feedback or support, center the conversation on what is already working well. Identify personal qualities, skills, or resources the person can leverage to navigate challenges.
Recognize Effort: Instead of focusing solely on outcomes, acknowledge the hard work someone has put into a task or challenge. Effort often goes unseen, but recognizing it can motivate and reinforce perseverance. This emphasizes the process rather than just the outcome, reinforcing perseverance and resilience. It shifts the focus from success or failure to ongoing growth.
Approach Setbacks as Learning Opportunities: Rather than viewing struggles as failures, help reframe them as opportunities for learning. Mistakes can be stepping stones toward growth. This shift in perspective can build resilience and self-compassion.
Acknowledge Personal Expertise: Can a person be deceived? Yes. However, in general, people are the experts on their own lives. Instead of assuming what they need, ask questions and listen deeply. Sometimes, a person doesn’t need advice to build them up. Sometimes they just need a listening ear and a silent witness. They can tell you what feels supportive.
Highlight Potential: Speak to what someone is capable of becoming, not just who they are right now. Remind them of their strengths and talents, especially when they struggle to see them in themselves. This inspires hope and forward movement, which is especially valuable for those feeling stuck or discouraged.
Just as we nourish our bodies with good food, we can nourish others with words that meet their specific needs. In order to do this, we must learn about their needs through active listening. Then we can take a strengths-based approach if they are open to feedback. Focus on recognizing and amplifying a person’s existing strengths rather than dwelling on their weaknesses. It’s the difference between telling someone to stop being impatient vs. teaching someone strategies for cultivating patience.
Mike struggled with anger issues and often reacted harshly when corrected. His friend James decided some tough love was in order and bluntly told him, “You need to get control of your temper before you ruin your relationships.” While James meant well, his words only made Mike defensive.
A strengths-based approach would have sounded more like: “I know you care deeply about the people in your life. I’ve seen you be patient and kind before. What has helped you stay calm in those moments?” This approach affirms Mike’s ability to change, rather than condemning him.
James wasn’t wrong in warning Mike, however, he set Mike up more for success by appealing to his strengths and past successes.
“That It May Benefit Those Who Listen” — THINK About the Impact of Your Words
The word benefit in this verse is charis, which is often translated as grace. This means our words are not merely meant to be truthful and loving but to extend grace to others. A helpful guide for applying this principle is the THINK framework, which encourages us to ask before speaking:
T – Is it True?
H – Is it Helpful?
I – Is it Inspiring?
N – Is it Necessary?
K – Is it Kind?
If what we are about to say does not meet these criteria, it may be better left unsaid. As we noted earlier, the Bible tells us to speak the truth in love. It also tells us in John 1:14 that Jesus is “full of grace and truth.” Communication rooted in grace transforms relationships and reflects the heart of God.
"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen."
Unwholesome talk isn’t just about avoiding harmful words; it’s about intentionally speaking in a way that brings life, healing, and encouragement. Our words can be a reflection of Christ’s love, truth, and grace. When we take the time to learn about the people around us and understand their needs, we are better positioned to support them in a way that is truly helpful and beneficial.
We understand that communication plays a vital role in mental and emotional well-being. If you are struggling with how to communicate in a way that fosters healthy relationships, you do not have to navigate this alone. Our Christ-centered counseling approach integrates biblical principles with evidence-based therapy to help you build healthier, more life-giving patterns of speech and grace-filled relationships. Reach out today to learn more about the services we offer and the hope we have!