Unwholesome Talk: A Biblical and Mental Health Perspective

Speak with Impact in Mind, Not Just Intent

"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." Some people interpret this verse as a warning against profanity or crude jokes, but the original Greek text suggests something much deeper. The word "unwholesome" comes from sapros, which means rotten, useless, or unhelpful; it’s used to describe spoiled food that no longer nourishes. Imagine giving a starving person a rotten banana. It may feel like an act of generosity, but it is ultimately useless and even harmful. Similarly, words spoken with good intentions can be useless, even harmful, if we don’t consider our listener or their needs. Paul is encouraging the Ephesian Christians to consider the impact of their words.

Have you ever thought, “I’m just speaking the truth" when you share a Bible verse to call out sin, correct someone, or give tough advice? Truth without love can wound and love does not come in a "one-size-fits-all" package. Understanding the truth, and speaking it in love, often requires a relationship built on trust and compassion. If we don't consider the listener, words meant to help can actually harm. Similarly, if we focus only on our intent rather than the impact of our words, our words may be unwholesome (unhelpful). While intent is about the speaker; impact is about the listener.

Ephesians 4:29 isn’t just about avoiding certain words; it’s about speaking in a way that genuinely benefits others. In the context of mental health, this aligns with communication strategies that foster encouragement, healing, and understanding. 

Let’s break it down into three key parts to see how mental health concepts can equip us to obey scripture:

Do Not Let Any Unwholesome Talk Come Out of Your Mouths, But Only What Is Helpful" — Active Listening

When we think about wholesome speech, it’s not just about avoiding harmful words—it’s about choosing words that truly help. That begins with active listening: fully engaging with someone’s words and emotions before offering a response. Psychologically, words have the power to shape emotions, self-perception, and even brain chemistry.

What Is Active Listening?

Active listening means fully engaging with someone as they speak, with the goal of connecting and understanding what the world looks like through their eyes. It’s not just about making the other person feel heard and understood, it’s about actually hearing and understanding their truth. 

Key Elements of Active Listening:

• Be present. Give your full attention and make eye-contact; pause your mind to process what the other person is expressing.ze negative thought patterns and replace them with truth, aligning their minds with God’s Word. Check out these CBT-based strategies that may help:

• Listen for understanding, not to prepare for your response. Instead of formulating what you’ll say next, focus on what the other person is communicating through both their words and emotions.

• Paraphrase or reflect their words back to check your understanding. Sometimes you’ll find that you misunderstood what the speaker was saying or hearing their own words may help the speaker realize they want to clarify or correct themselves. “She never called you back? I can imagine you felt used in that situation.”

• Validate their feelings. Acknowledge their experience rather than dismissing it. You’re not agreeing or disagreeing with how they feel. You’re simply observing what is real about how they feel and confirming that you recognize their feelings. For example: “That sounds really painful. I can see why you feel that way.”

• Ask clarifying and open-ended questions. Instead of assuming, say: “Can you tell me more about that?”

• Respond with empathy. Offer words that comfort, encourage, or clarify, rather than criticize. Even if the person has made wrong choices, imagine how they feel.

Regardless of the approach you choose, the goal of active listening is to withhold judgment and understand the person’s inner world. You want them to feel seen. Consider how different responses can impact someone who is struggling. If a friend says, "I'm so overwhelmed," the response matters:

❌ Unhelpful: “God won’t give you more than you can handle. You just need to trust Him more.” (Dismisses their struggle and adds pressure.)
✅ Helpful: “That sounds really hard. I’m here for you.” (Acknowledges their feelings and offers support.)

“A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver.”

— Proverbs 25:11

Timing Matters

Active listening doesn’t mean you never correct someone. It means you discern when correction is actually helpful. If a person is overwhelmed, hurting, or venting, they may not be in a place to receive advice yet. In those moments, what they need most is to be heard. Consider Proverbs 25:11: "A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver." Timing and delivery matter. Before jumping to correction, ask yourself: “Is this the right moment? Does this person need to feel understood first or do I need to gain a better understanding of their situation first?”

The opposite of unwholesome talk isn’t just avoiding harmful words—it’s intentionally choosing words that are helpful. Sometimes, the best words are no words at all; just listening with love. 

“Helpful for Building Others Up According to Their Needs” — A Strengths-Based Approach

The phrase “building others up” is often translated as edifying, which means to strengthen or encourage. But edification is not one-size-fits-all. True encouragement considers the other person’s individual needs rather than assuming what we think is true or best for them. At Boundless Hope, our therapists, don’t simply follow a medical model of diagnosing illness and prescribing remedies. We take a strengths-based approach that highlights inner resilience and resourcefulness.

What Is A Strengths-Based Approach?

A strengths-based approach is a form of positive psychology that begins with the assumption that we were all created with beneficial qualities and characteristics. This is right in line with the Christian belief that we are all made in the image of our Creator. Identifying and developing strengths improves relationships and personal wellness. That’s why we believe therapy is for everyone. Not everyone is mentally ill but we can all grow and improve our mental health. Let’s explore a few ways a Strengths-Based approach can build others up.

Adopting a Strengths-Based Approach In Conversation

• Focus on Strengths and Assets: When giving feedback or support, center the conversation on what is already working well. Identify personal qualities, skills, or resources the person can leverage to navigate challenges.

• Recognize Effort: Instead of focusing solely on outcomes, acknowledge the hard work someone has put into a task or challenge. Effort often goes unseen, but recognizing it can motivate and reinforce perseverance. This emphasizes the process rather than just the outcome, reinforcing perseverance and resilience. It shifts the focus from success or failure to ongoing growth.

• Approach Setbacks as Learning Opportunities: Rather than viewing struggles as failures, help reframe them as opportunities for learning. Mistakes can be stepping stones toward growth. This shift in perspective can build resilience and self-compassion.

• Acknowledge Personal Expertise: Can a person be deceived? Yes. However, in general, people are the experts on their own lives. Instead of assuming what they need, ask questions and listen deeply. Sometimes, a person doesn’t need advice to build them up. Sometimes they just need a listening ear and a silent witness. They can tell you what feels supportive.

• Highlight Potential: Speak to what someone is capable of becoming, not just who they are right now. Remind them of their strengths and talents, especially when they struggle to see them in themselves. This inspires hope and forward movement, which is especially valuable for those feeling stuck or discouraged.

Just as we nourish our bodies with good food, we can nourish others with words that meet their specific needs. In order to do this, we must learn about their needs through active listening. Then we can take a strengths-based approach if they are open to feedback. Focus on recognizing and amplifying a person’s existing strengths rather than dwelling on their weaknesses. It’s the difference between telling someone to stop being impatient vs. teaching someone strategies for cultivating patience.

Mike struggled with anger issues and often reacted harshly when corrected. His friend James decided some tough love was in order and bluntly told him, “You need to get control of your temper before you ruin your relationships.” While James meant well, his words only made Mike defensive.

A strengths-based approach would have sounded more like: “I know you care deeply about the people in your life. I’ve seen you be patient and kind before. What has helped you stay calm in those moments?” This approach affirms Mike’s ability to change, rather than condemning him.

James wasn’t wrong in warning Mike, however, he set Mike up more for success by appealing to his strengths and past successes.

“That It May Benefit Those Who Listen” — THINK About the Impact of Your Words

The word benefit in this verse is charis, which is often translated as grace. This means our words are not merely meant to be truthful and loving but to extend grace to others. A helpful guide for applying this principle is the THINK framework, which encourages us to ask before speaking:

T – Is it True?

H – Is it Helpful?

I – Is it Inspiring?

N – Is it Necessary?

K – Is it Kind?

If what we are about to say does not meet these criteria, it may be better left unsaid. As we noted earlier, the Bible tells us to speak the truth in love. It also tells us in John 1:14 that Jesus is “full of grace and truth.” Communication rooted in grace transforms relationships and reflects the heart of God.

"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen."

Unwholesome talk isn’t just about avoiding harmful words; it’s about intentionally speaking in a way that brings life, healing, and encouragement. Our words can be a reflection of Christ’s love, truth, and grace. When we take the time to learn about the people around us and understand their needs, we are better positioned to support them in a way that is truly helpful and beneficial.

We understand that communication plays a vital role in mental and emotional well-being. If you are struggling with how to communicate in a way that fosters healthy relationships, you do not have to navigate this alone. Our Christ-centered counseling approach integrates biblical principles with evidence-based therapy to help you build healthier, more life-giving patterns of speech and grace-filled relationships. Reach out today to learn more about the services we offer and the hope we have!

Faith and Anxiety: Finding Peace Through God and Professional Support

Faith and Mental Health: A Deep Connection

At Boundless Hope, we understand that faith and mental health can be deeply intertwined. Many believers find immense comfort in their relationship with God. Their mental health is strengthened by leaning on prayer, scripture, and their Christian community to navigate life’s struggles. Faith offers us all a foundation of hope, reminding us that we are never alone in our suffering.

As Jesus said, “In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33)

Scripture’s Guidance for Anxiety

The Bible offers both comfort and guidance for those who wrestle with worry. Paul writes to the church at Philippi:

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

— Philippians 4:6-7

If you struggle with anxiety, you may be very familiar with this verse and puzzled as to why your faith strengthens you but doesn’t always make the battles in your mind disappear. If the weight of worry feels insurmountable, you may even wonder if you are somehow failing spiritually or if seeking professional help means you lack trust in God’s healing power. You may also be carrying an unspoken burden of fearing judgment from fellow believers. Well-meaning advice like “just pray more” or “trust God and give Him your anxieties” may leave you feeling unseen and misunderstood. That makes sense!

We do not view this passage as a condemnation of anxiety as sin, but rather an invitation to bring our fears before God. Through prayer, we can cultivate trust in His sovereignty, while also acknowledging the very real struggles we face. Additionally, scripture does not call us to carry our burdens alone. God created us to need community, support, and wisdom that often comes through others. Our team of clinicians are well-trained professionals and believers. They can help you understand and manage anxiety in a way that honors God, while guiding you toward greater peace.

The Many Layers of Anxiety

Anxiety, like any other struggle, has many layers. Sometimes it is rooted in past trauma or difficult life circumstances. Other times, it stems from imbalances in the brain, chronic stress, or even physical health conditions (like thyroid problems or heart disease). The weight of anxiety can feel overwhelming, making it difficult to focus on daily responsibilities or experience the joy of God’s presence.

Take Felecia, for example. She grew up in a family where anxiety seemed like a shadow passed down through generations. Her grandma rarely left the house, her father struggled with constant worry, and now Felecia finds herself battling the same restless thoughts. Even though she leans on verses like we mentioned above, the anxiety remains. She prays, but her body still feels tense, her heart races at night, and she can't shake the constant feeling of dread. Genetics and brain chemistry are not things she can pray away, but understanding them allows her to approach her struggle with both faith and wisdom.

Seeking professional help does not mean Felecia lacks faith—it means she is using the tools God has provided.

Faith and Professional Help: Not Opposing Forces

We believe that trusting God and seeking support go hand in hand. Whether your anxiety stems from genetics, past trauma, or daily stressors, you are not alone. Healing is not about having perfect faith; it’s about allowing God to meet you in your struggle and guiding you toward the help you need. Seeking professional support is a courageous step toward healing.

Just as we would seek medical care for a broken bone, God calls us to pursue wisdom, which includes caring for our mental well-being. Counseling provides a space where faith and therapy work hand in hand, equipping individuals with tools to manage anxious thoughts while deepening their spiritual walk.

Consider Mark, a devoted husband and father. He has always found peace in reading the Psalms. But after losing his job, financial stress began weighing on him like never before. Each morning, he reads Psalm 42:11 where David says: “Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise Him, my Savior and my God.” Yet still, the heaviness in his chest does not lift.

Mark’s once-steady faith is now accompanied by racing thoughts, sleepless nights, and an overwhelming sense of failure. The stress of his circumstances is not just mental but physical. His chest tightens, his stomach churns, and exhaustion follows him throughout the day. He trusts God, but his body is responding to real stress. He needs more than faith and willpower to cope.

Practical Strategies for Managing Anxiety

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is one of the most effective approaches for managing anxiety. It helps individuals recognize negative thought patterns and replace them with truth, aligning their minds with God’s Word. Check out these CBT-based strategies that may help:

• Identify Negative Thoughts: Keep a journal to track anxious thoughts. Write down specific situations that trigger anxiety and note your automatic thoughts about them.

• Challenge Negative Thoughts: Once you identify these thoughts, question their validity. Are they based on facts? What evidence supports or contradicts them?

• Reframe Your Thoughts: Replace negative thoughts with more balanced, realistic ones. For example, instead of thinking, “I’ll fail at this,” try, “I can prepare and do my best.”

• Gradual Exposure: Face your fears gradually. Start with less anxiety-provoking situations and work your way up to more challenging ones. This helps desensitize you to anxiety triggers.

• Relaxation Techniques: Practice deep breathing, progressive muscle relaxation, or mindfulness meditation to reduce physical symptoms of anxiety.

• Behavioral Activation: Engage in activities that bring you joy or fulfillment. This can counteract feelings of anxiety and improve your mood.

• Problem-Solving Skills: Break down overwhelming problems into manageable steps. Focus on what you can control and take action where possible.

• Establish a Routine: Creating a daily routine can provide structure and predictability, which can be comforting when feeling anxious.

Implementing these techniques consistently can help you manage anxiety more effectively. If you find it challenging to do this on your own or want to learn other tools, consider working with one of our therapists trained in CBT.

You Are Not Alone: Seeking Help is a Step of Faith

Anxiety often clouds our ability to see beyond our current struggles, but God’s Word reassures us that there is hope beyond the pain. Healing takes time, and it may require a combination of spiritual disciplines, professional counseling, and practical lifestyle changes such as exercise, healthy nutrition, and rest. We believe that combining faith and action leads to deep, holistic healing. Seeking therapy is actively engaging in the healing process God desires for you.

If you are struggling with anxiety, know that you do not have to carry this burden alone. At Boundless Hope, we integrate clinical expertise with a Christ-centered approach to help you find peace. Whether through counseling, support groups, or simply having a trusted space to talk, we are here to walk alongside you. We encourage you to take the first step today by reaching out to us, a trusted friend, or other resources available to you. God’s peace can fill the spaces where fear has taken hold. You are not alone, and there is always hope!

The Bondage of Perfectionism

Jasmine has always been a high achiever, but lately, she has felt an escalating internal tug-of-war. She constantly battles an unrelenting pressure to meet impossibly high standards, coupled with a deep fear of falling short. No matter how much she accomplishes, there’s a voice in her head whispering, “Not good enough.” Every mistake feels like failure, and even success offers only fleeting relief before the cycle begins again. Anxiety lingers beneath the surface; it’s a tightness in her chest, a restless mind obsessing over details and what-ifs. Rest feels undeserved, and her self-worth is entirely tied to achievement. Deep down, she feels exhausted, frustrated, and longs to finally believe she is enough.

Can you relate? Perfectionism is often characterized by setting excessively high standards for oneself and being overly critical of one's performance. This mindset often leads to chronic dissatisfaction, as the perfectionist's expectations are unrealistic and unattainable. The relentless pursuit of flawlessness can result in anxiety, depression, and a diminished sense of self-worth. In order to heal and grow, it is helpful to understand the roots and cultivation of this way of thinking. 

We believe that you can truly be transformed by the renewing of your mind. However, just as land must be cleared, weeded, and roots dug up prior to planting a flourishing garden, it is helpful to begin the journey to freedom by considering the origins of perfectionist tendencies. Perfectionism often stems from a mix of psychological, environmental, and even biological factors.

What are possible roots of perfectionism?

Early Childhood Experiences

• Expectations: Excessively high expectations from parents can instill the belief that love and acceptance are conditional on achievement.

• Achievement-based Praise:  Solely for Achievements – When children are only praised for accomplishments rather than effort or character, they may equate their worth with success.

• Harsh Criticism: Frequent criticism, especially for minor mistakes, can make children fear failure and strive for perfection as a way to avoid rejection or punishment.

• Parental Modeling:  Kids often internalize perfectionist tendencies by watching perfectionist parents who demand flawlessness from themselves or others.

Societal and Cultural Influences on Perfectionism

• Achievement-Oriented Culture: Societies that emphasize success, productivity, and competition can foster perfectionism by making people feel they must be the best to be valued.

• Social Media: Constant exposure to curated, idealized images of success, beauty, or intelligence can create unrealistic standards and fuel perfectionist tendencies.

• Spiritual Beliefs: Some perfectionists develop from rigid interpretations of the Bible, believing they must be perfect to be “good enough” or worthy in a spiritual sense.

Personality Traits & Temperament

• High Sensitivity & Conscientiousness: Some people are naturally detail-oriented, responsible, and driven, which can turn into perfectionism when taken to extremes.

• Fear of Failure & Rejection: A deep-seated fear of disappointing others or being judged can lead people to strive for perfection to avoid negative consequences.

• Black-and-White Thinking: Some perfectionists struggle to see a middle ground between success and failure, believing anything less than perfect is unacceptable.

Psychological & Emotional Factors

• Low Self-Esteem: People who tie their self-worth to their achievements may push themselves toward perfection to feel good about themselves.

• Anxiety & Control Issues: Perfectionism can be a coping mechanism for managing anxiety or a way to feel in control when other areas of life feel uncertain.

• Past Trauma or Emotional Neglect: Perfectionism can develop as a defense mechanism against emotional pain, rejection, or criticism from caregivers or peers.

Biological & Neurological Factors

• Genetics: Studies suggest that perfectionist tendencies can be inherited, meaning some individuals may have a genetic predisposition toward high self-expectations.

• Brain Chemistry & Anxiety Disorders: Perfectionism is often linked to anxiety disorders, OCD, or high-functioning depression, suggesting a neurological basis for compulsive striving.

Did you recognize yourself or your story in any of these factors? Understanding the origins of your perfectionism can be a crucial step toward escaping its grasp on you. Identifying the ingrained beliefs that motivate your behavior can often help you extend grace to yourself and increase your self-compassion. If you see how your perfectionist tendencies developed as coping mechanisms, to gain approval, avoid criticism, or maintain control, it may enable you to approach yourself with more kindness rather than self-judgment. If you identify rigid core beliefs, such as, “I must be perfect to be accepted” or “Mistakes equal failure.” then you can begin the process of questioning them and seeking the truth. With awareness of perfectionism’s origins, you can start replacing unhealthy habits and thinking with healthier ones

Breaking Free From Perfectionism

Regardless of your unique root(s), perfectionism can be a heavy burden and takes time to heal. Through Christ and evidence-based therapeutic approaches, you can find freedom, embrace your imperfections, and rely on God’s grace. Your worth is not determined by your performance but by the immeasurable love of your Creator. Jesus says, "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest" (Matthew 11:28). This invitation encourages us to relinquish the relentless pursuit of perfection and embrace the peace found in Christ. 

In counseling, you can dig into what perfectionism is and how it shows up in your life. You can explore how it affects your mental health and relationships. A therapist can guide you to reflect on the messages received while growing up about success, failure, and self-worth. Most importantly, you can learn practical tools and strategies to let go of that constant need to be perfect. You don’t have to walk this journey alone. Whether through individual counseling, group support, or deepening your faith, healing from perfectionism is possible. You can have a life where your worth isn’t measured by achievements but by the simple truth that you are already enough.

From Fearful Codependency to Resting in God’s Love

Redefining Dependence

Codependency can grow from the belief that our needs are dangerous. It may be partially fueled by fear; we fear that our needs will cause us to lose the relationships and connections we crave. For many of us, life has taught us that expressing needs leads to disappointment, rejection, abandonment, or harm. We learn to survive by ignoring our needs, becoming self-sufficient, caretaking others, or trying to earn love through perfection. In doing so, our sense of well being becomes dependent on the emotional state of others. 

Codependency is a dependency on others' approval, on maintaining control, or on keeping everyone happy. It traps us in cycles of fear and control, leaving us disconnected from the true source of our security: God. As we conclude Codependency Awareness Month, we want to explore a liberating truth: breaking free from codependency doesn’t mean rejecting our need for others. It means learning to place our ultimate trust in God, the One who is perfectly dependable.

The Fear of Needs

For many, codependency is rooted in the fear of being vulnerable or weak. If you had unmet needs early in life, experienced rejection in primary caregiver relationships, felt neglected, or were repeatedly criticized by others, you may have formed the belief, “My needs will only lead to hurt.” This is a rational, understandable message to have received from how you were treated in your earliest, most foundational (parents or caregivers) or most vulnerable (spouse, close friend, faith leaders) relationships. Strategies that helped you to survive in unsafe relationships with others when you truly were dependent (due to age, emotional need, financial need, spiritual needs etc.), but they no longer serve you well in mature, adult relationships that afford you choice. They keep you stuck in cycles of unmet needs, fear and unhealthy relationships.

God’s Answer to Our Fear of Needs

One of the most healing truths we can embrace is that our needs are not burdensome to God. Unlike human relationships, where we may have faced failure or rejection, God’s love is steadfast and dependable. He doesn’t despise our needs or begrudgingly tolerate us. He welcomes us, mess and all, and provides for us in ways we cannot imagine. He doesn’t expect perfection or strength from us—He desires our trust and reliance on Him. Philippians 4:19 reminds us: “And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of His glory in Christ Jesus.”

From Codependency to God-dependency

Humans cannot meet our deepest needs. Not because we are too needy, but because they are not our Father and Creator. They cannot speak value into the deepest recesses of our souls. When we are convinced of God’s love and secure in his grace, we can begin to prioritize his view of us above all others. He quiets our fears and gives us rest. It’s about shifting our primary source of dependence to God, allowing Him to guide and sustain us.

Consider the following three principles to increase your God-dependency:

• Meditate on God as Your Anchor: Codependency often stems from looking to others for what only God can provide—security, identity, and worth. Human relationships, while vital, are fallible and subject to change. People may disappoint us, circumstances may shift, but God remains constant, unshaken by the ups and downs of life. Meditating on God as your anchor means regularly grounding yourself in His Word, reflecting on His promises, and reminding yourself that He alone is your source of stability. When storms arise, you can stand firm, knowing that your foundation is rooted in His unchanging love and faithfulness.

• Embrace Your Needs as God-Given: We are relational beings who thrive in dependent connection with Him and reciprocity with others. When we deny our needs or try to meet them apart from God, we often fall into patterns of unhealthy dependency. Instead, embracing our needs means recognizing them as invitations to draw closer to God, allowing Him to provide for us in ways that no person ever could. It also means seeking relationships that reflect His love, such as ones that encourage mutual support rather than unhealthy reliance. When we view our needs through this lens, we move from fear and shame to faith and trust.

• Imagine Yourself Releasing Control to God: Codependency thrives on the illusion that control will bring security—whether by fixing others, maintaining perfection, or avoiding conflict at all costs. However, this pursuit of control often leads to anxiety, exhaustion, and disappointment. True peace comes not from holding on tighter but from letting go. Imagine placing your worries, fears, and responsibilities in God’s hands, trusting Him to work things out according to His wisdom. Releasing control doesn’t mean neglecting responsibility; rather, it means recognizing that ultimate outcomes are in God’s hands, not ours. When we surrender to His care, we experience the freedom and peace that only He can provide.

God’s Love: The Ultimate Freedom

Codependency convinces us that we must earn love by being perfect, selfless, or needed. But God’s love is unconditional. He loves us not because of what we do but because of who He is.

• We don’t need to be perfect—His grace is sufficient.

• We don’t need to be strong—His power is made perfect in our weakness.

• We don’t need to be self-reliant—He is our Jehovah Jireh, our Provider.

When we rest in God’s love, we find the courage to embrace vulnerability and the strength to break free from unhealthy patterns.

Walking the Path of Healing

It’s important to understand that codependency is not a sin in itself, though it may involve sinful patterns like control or people-pleasing. At its core, codependency is a wound—a response to pain that needs healing. It makes sense why someone might struggle to trust God or others, especially if their experiences have taught them that their needs lead to hurt.

At Boundless Hope, we don’t judge anyone for this struggle. Instead, we encourage you to begin the journey of healing by simply acknowledging how you feel. Find a quiet moment to sit or lie still before God. Let yourself cry or rest in His presence, imagining Him holding and comforting you like a loving parent. His arms are always open, offering peace, safety, and restoration.

As you reflect during Codependency Awareness Month, consider these questions:

• Do you find it difficult to express your needs or believe they matter?

• Are you looking to others to meet needs that only God can truly fulfill?

• What would it look like to trust God with your deepest fears and vulnerabilities?

Freedom begins with surrender. Trust the Caretaker of your soul—He is faithful to meet every need. If this path feels overwhelming, know that you don’t have to walk it alone. At Boundless Hope, we are here to support you. Our therapists can help you navigate the journey toward healing, offering tools and prayerful guidance to help you lean into the love of God and find rest in Him.

Healing Pain: Breaking Free from the Destructive Pain of Codependency

Codependency perpetuates pain.

For many people, caring deeply for others is a strength, but when it leads to neglecting your own needs, over-giving, or feeling responsible for everyone else’s happiness, it can cross the line into codependency. Codependency is a way of being, thinking and behaving in current relationships that is built on beliefs formed about self and others in earlier, dysfunctional relationships. It is a pattern of approaching connection with others that often grows when people who are wired for connection experience deep, traumatic relational pain. That root hurt taught them to prioritize others at their own expense in the hope of avoiding more pain. However, this self-protective behavior can actually lead one into relationship dynamics that perpetuate and multiply core wounds.

The person trapped in the pain of codependency is typically not conscious of the elements of their behavior that are driven by core wounds. They're more conscious of the parts of themselves that long for connection, truly love people, or want to give to others the way God has given to them. They may not realize that, in their desire to be giving, they are also being influenced by a desire to stop hurting. They know that they feel exhausted from trying to keep everyone else afloat while neglecting their own emotional well-being. They may not identify with the term “codependency,” but notice how often they overextend themselves for others and still end up feeling resentful, unappreciated, or unloved. 

“Have you ever noticed yourself thinking, or heard someone else saying, “The Bible says to treat others the way you want to be treated. I try to love others the way I would like them to love me but I feel so unloved.”?”

When a person doesn't understand codependency and the influence it is having over them, they will a be hurt and confused as to why all of the effort they put into relationships still yields pain. Whether you recognize these struggles as part of your life, love someone who is suffering in codependency, or are already working toward recovery, it’s important to know this: healing from codependency is possible, but it often involves facing more pain. The good news is that this is a different kind of pain. It’s healing pain, not the overwhelming, debilitating pain of your trauma.

Understanding Healing Pain

Codependency begins with traumatic pain but being in codependent relationships produces ongoing, unproductive pain. The current, frustrating pain of codependency comes from trying to control the uncontrollable—fixing others’ problems, rescuing them from their mistakes, or taking on responsibility for their emotions. It’s exhausting and often leaves you feeling frustrated, unappreciated, or stuck in unhealthy relationships. When you decide to step out of these patterns, you might find yourself facing discomfort in new ways.

For Those in Recovery: You Are Doing Hard but Holy Work

If you are already on the path of recovery, know that the discomfort you’re facing is part of the process. Healing pain is temporary and purposeful. Each time you set a boundary or choose to take care of yourself, you are building a healthier foundation for your life and relationships.

Be gentle with yourself as you navigate this journey. Growth doesn’t happen overnight, but every step you take is progress. Remember, you’re not just healing your past—you’re also modeling healthier patterns for those around you, perhaps even breaking generational cycles.

For Those Who Wonder If They Might Be Codependent

If you’re reading this and wondering if codependency describes you, consider these questions:

• Do you often feel responsible for other people’s emotions or problems?

• Do you struggle to say no, even when you’re overwhelmed?

• Do you base your sense of worth on how much you do for others?

Recognizing these patterns can feel overwhelming at first, but it’s the first step toward breaking free. Awareness opens the door to change, and with the right support, you can begin to live a life that is healthier and more balanced.

You are not alone.

At Boundless Hope Christian Clinical Counseling, we understand how painful and overwhelming it can feel to confront these patterns. Whether you’re just beginning to ask questions about your relationships or are deep into recovery, you don’t have to navigate this journey alone.

If you’re wondering whether codependency is affecting your life, we invite you to reach out to schedule an appointment with one of our therapists or to learn more about how we can help. For those already in recovery, we want to encourage you to keep going. The healing process is hard work, but it’s holy work. Trust that God is with you in the discomfort, redeeming your pain and guiding you toward freedom. If you need extra support, we’re here to walk alongside you. Healing from codependency is not easy, but it is worth it!

Embark on a Journey to Emotional Maturity

How Does Emotional Maturity Affect Your Spiritual Growth and Discipleship? 

Spiritual and Emotional Maturity

If I asked you to assess your spiritual maturity, which measures would you use? Reading the Bible, attending church, and even discipling other people may be on your list. While those are all important aspects of spiritual growth, one component that is often overlooked is emotional health. As faithful as we may be in “checking all the boxes,” and as honest as we are in our desire to walk with God, the reality is that our spirituality often fails to touch the deep internal wounds and sin patterns in our lives. For many of us, our past hurts and failures continue to control our present thoughts, emotions, and behavior. We must address this emotional component in our lives if we want to experience deeper spiritual growth; spiritual maturity and emotional maturity are inseparable.

The Kingdom of God and Our Emotions

Why is emotional health so important? I’m glad you asked! In everything we say, do, or think, we are always advancing either the Kingdom of God or the kingdom of darkness. If we read our Bible every day and go to church every Sunday, but consistently lash out in anger, minimize other people’s feelings, or hold grudges, then we are not advancing the Kingdom of God (1 Corinthians 13). The call to salvation is a call to be conformed to the image of Jesus Christ. It is an ongoing process of sanctification where Jesus is saving us from the power of sin in our lives. This includes saving us from our unhealthy patterns, like how we handle anger, sadness, relationships, and conflict. The more we surrender this aspect of our lives to his lordship, the more our thought processes, emotional experiences, and relationships will be transformed to reflect his Kingdom. 

Emotionally Healthy Discipleship

The transformation we experience in our emotional health will not only affect ourselves, but will also have an undeniable effect on those around us, whether it’s our family, colleagues, friends, or the cashier at Publix who’s taking forever to ring up your groceries. We know we are called to be disciples. Discipleship isn’t just about teaching others to read the Bible. It’s about living a life worthy of the calling you have received (Ephesians 4:1-3), authentically loving people, and living in a way that others would want to imitate. The apostle Paul says to “imitate me as I imitate Christ.” What would it look like if another person imitated how you handled traffic? What if they imitated the kinds of boundaries you have, or don’t have, in your relationships? What about your level of patience? Can you honestly say you would want others to imitate you?  

Journey to Emotional Maturity

So, how does one begin to work towards emotional health?

• Start with an honest self-inventory: 

• How do you handle your own emotions and those of others? (e.g.: Do you deny/ignore all feelings, or do you go to the opposite extreme of letting emotions control you?)

• What do your relationships look like? (e.g.: How do you interact with others? Are you loving, patient, kind? Do you have healthy boundaries?)

• How do you deal with conflict? (e.g.: Do you avoid it at all costs? Are you overly confrontational?)

• Do you have past hurts and/or traumas that still have a strong hold on you?

• Take note of the patterns you see in your life and aim your prayers at those specific targets. 

• Spend time in the Word of God to gain a deeper understanding of who God is and how we should live in light of his Kingdom. 

• See a professional counselor who can offer wisdom and guidance as you process past hurts and overcome areas where you feel stuck.  

Eternal Impact

The investment you make in your mental and emotional health will bear eternal fruit in the Kingdom of God, affecting not only yourself and those in your immediate circle, but also generations to come. So take an honest look at yourself and your spiritual/emotional health. Allow Christ to touch those areas that need growth and healing. It may be hard work, but it is so worth it.  

The Good Shepherd

Do you ever get so overwhelmed by His Love that it hurts? The realization that we are not worthy of what He so generously gives (Matthew 10:8). His Love is so whole, complete, so unwavering that He will leave the 99 for that one lost sheep.  I want to believe that we all at some point in our lives, have been that one lost sheep that wandered off a little too far from Him. Jesus as our Good Shepherd (John 10:14) leaves the 99 to go and find us and brings us back (Matthew 18:12). He puts us on His shoulders and with tender love He would tell us how much He missed us, how happy He is to have found us.  Ohh, only He can love us like that!

And what happens to the 99 while Jesus in His mercy goes and finds the one?  Do we let the oil in our lamps run dry? Absolutely not! The Holy Spirit remains with us, He will never leave us or forsake us (Deuteronomy 31:6). We need to stand firm and courageous.  It takes faith, courage, and strength in the waiting; waiting for the answers, like not now, soon, no, yes, maybe, or for some, we won't get our answer until we are in His presence. 

I want to be one of the 99, where my faith is so strong that it is unmovable in the presence of a storm.  That my joy is constant, even if my circumstances are compromised, when relationships are crumbling, when my heart is the loneliest, and my mind is full of lies about how unworthy I am.  I want to “be filled with the knowledge of His will in all spiritual wisdom and understanding, so as to walk in a manner worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing to Him: bearing fruit in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God; being strengthened with all power, according to His glorious might, for all endurance and patience with joy; giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in light.” (Colossians 1:9-12)

I want to be the 99, just like the church, His bride, waiting for His return.  That He would say Well done, good and faithful servant (Matthew 25:23).  And I would respond, I was strong because in my weakness You were there!

How to persevere and honor God in the midst of suffering: Part 2

The Reality of Suffering

Part one of this blog focused on persevering through our own suffering. Part two will focus on how to love others well when they are suffering. Suffering is an unavoidable fact of life. We can’t turn on the news without hearing about some sort of tragedy, and we all have either experienced or know someone who has experienced a major loss, illness, abuse, or broken relationship. Unfortunately, many of us don’t know what to do when someone comes to us with those painful realities, which can then lead to more hurt and even more broken relationships. In order to love others well, we need to have a biblical understanding of suffering and how to approach it.

What’s the issue?

The problem we find among Christians is that we often deny pain and suffering. We try to avoid our own pain, hiding behind smiling facades, and we shut down others’ pain through shame and spiritual platitudes. There are three major reasons why we shut down the pain of others:

1. Suffering flies in the face of what we believe about God and Christianity. Many believe that being a Christian means an easy, pain-free life. On the contrary, Jesus said that in this world we will have trouble. Scripture is replete with believers who faced trials, persecution, and unspeakable suffering. While we undoubtedly have hope, peace, and joy through Jesus, that truth does not negate our very real pain.

2. It feels threatening. Other people’s suffering rubs against unhealed places within ourselves that make us feel uneasy. For example, if you grew up in a home where you were only allowed to express positive emotions, you may feel uncomfortable when you’re around someone who is crying or grieving. If you haven’t sought healing for the abuse you endured, the divorce you went through, or any other painful experience, then it may feel uncomfortable to be around someone who is going through something similar.

3. We don’t always know how to respond. What do you say when someone loses a loved one? What about when they come to you with a story of horrific abuse? Or maybe you know someone with chronic pain? Not knowing what to say leads us to anxiously throw Scripture at them or we may simply try to avoid them altogether.

Loving the One Who Is Suffering

How might you support someone who is in the midst of deep pain?

• Use the ministry of presence. Being present with them in their pain, even without saying anything, is a powerful gift.

• Let them know you’re available if they want to talk. You may not have all the answers for them but simply listening to someone may help them to feel less alone.

• Connect them to other people or resources that may be helpful (i.e. counseling, food pantries, support groups, etc)

• Reach out and ask them if they want company or if they prefer to be alone.

• Offer practical help if that’s the need - bring them food, do their dishes, pay a bill, etc.

• Avoid shaming and spiritual bypassing (i.e. “have more faith,” “leave it at the cross,” “God never gives you more than you can handle,” etc.)

• PRAY for them! Never underestimate when someone comes to mind. It could be the Holy Spirit nudging you to reach out to them and/or to pray for them.

• Ask God for wisdom. There’s a time to offer exhortation and encouragement, and there’s a time to be silent and to simply weep with those who weep (Romans 12:15).

• Allow Christ to touch the unhealed places in your life so that you don’t react to others’ pain out of your own woundedness.

Bearing Each Other’s Burdens
Walking with others in their pain may require some level of sacrifice, but we are called to bear one another’s burdens (Galatians 6:2). That doesn’t mean doing for someone what they can do for themselves, but to help them carry a load that is too heavy on their own. We need each other! This is one of the beautiful things about being in Christian community and being part of the body of Christ - we don’t have to walk the road of suffering alone. If you want to love others well in their pain, then take some time to examine your own thoughts and feelings about suffering. Allow God to heal what needs to be healed and to renew what needs to be renewed in your heart and mind. He will use you as a vessel to bring encouragement and hope to those who are hurting. 

How to persevere and honor God in the midst of suffering: Part 1

Why do we suffer?

Have you ever had a time in your life that was really hard and painful? If you live on this earth, then your answer is probably YES. No matter one’s personality, ethnicity, culture, family dynamics, religion, or socioeconomic status, we ALL have experienced some level of pain and suffering. There are three primary reasons why we suffer: (1) other people’s sin against us, (2) our own sin, and (3) the simple fact that we live in a fallen world. Man’s original sin in Genesis 3 has far reaching tentacles that touch so many aspects of our lives, including our physical and mental health. Nobody is immune. Part one of this blog will focus on our own suffering. Part two will focus on how to love others in their suffering.

Questioning God

I am well acquainted with pain both in my personal life and in my professional life as a mental health counselor. Nothing shakes our faith more than pain and suffering. We feel confused and begin to question God. How could he let this happen? Why didn’t he protect me? If he’s good, why is there so much evil? I can’t even pretend to know all the answers to those questions. There is a profound mystery in God’s sovereignty and so much we will never wrap our minds around on this side of heaven. That’s a hard truth to accept, especially if you struggle to let go of control. But one thing I have learned in my own walk is that it’s okay to grieve what we don’t understand about God. It’s okay to bring your doubts and questions to him. It’s okay to lament. There are dozens of Psalms where King David, the man after God’s own heart, cries out to God with fears, doubts, and confusion. God is not afraid of your big emotions. One of the most beautiful things I find in David’s laments is that they often end in praise. He lets out unfiltered cries and accusations, and then he starts worshiping God’s goodness and faithfulness. 

Outwitting the enemy

Remember when Satan came along to tempt Jesus in the wilderness? Jesus resisted all his attempts, but Satan didn’t give up for good. He left Jesus until an “opportune time” (Luke 4:13). Suffering definitely presents itself as an opportune time for Satan to swoop in and wreak havoc in our life. Here are some tips to outwit the enemy: 

• Resist isolating. Isolation gives Satan an opportunity to trap you into his lies and to distort your ways of thinking, which can lead to anxiety, depression, and even apostasy. Stay connected to the body of Christ and allow trustworthy individuals to walk alongside you. 

• Don’t be afraid to tell God what you’re honestly thinking and feeling. He already knows anyway, so you’re not fooling him with your self-protective, polished prayers. 

• Allow yourself to truly grieve, whether it’s a death, the loss of your childhood innocence, broken relationships, the effects of chronic pain, etc. Seek counseling if you need someone to help you navigate and process the grief. 

• Grasp firmly to the truth that God is good, even when your circumstances are not good. Stay rooted in His Word, and guard your heart against unforgiveness, bitterness, and pride. 

• Remember you are living in the tension between “already” and “not yet”, meaning we are already taking part in the Kingdom of God, but His Kingdom has not yet reached its full expression. So although sin and death have already been defeated through Jesus, its final defeat has not yet happened in this life or in our bodies. But one day it will. So, live out your faith in the direction of that promise. 

• Don’t forget that even when you’re in a physical battle, you’re also always in a SPIRITUAL battle. Be mindful of Satan’s strategies against you and use spiritual weapons, like prayer and Scripture.

Grace to endure
Unfortunately, we cannot avoid dealing with pain and suffering in this life, but your pain does not have to own you. While it may be part of your story, it isn’t the main character. When the pain feels unending and God seems absent, remember that his grace does not always mean rescuing us from our circumstances; sometimes his grace is found in our power to endure and to persevere. “The God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm, and steadfast”(1 Peter 5:10). Keep running the race set before you. God will not waste your pain. He sees you. He loves you. He remains on His throne and your pain will not have the final word.