Redefining Dependence

Codependency can grow from the belief that our needs are dangerous. It may be partially fueled by fear; we fear that our needs will cause us to lose the relationships and connections we crave. For many of us, life has taught us that expressing needs leads to disappointment, rejection, abandonment, or harm. We learn to survive by ignoring our needs, becoming self-sufficient, caretaking others, or trying to earn love through perfection. In doing so, our sense of well being becomes dependent on the emotional state of others.

Codependency is a dependency on others' approval, on maintaining control, or on keeping everyone happy. It traps us in cycles of fear and control, leaving us disconnected from the true source of our security: God. As we conclude Codependency Awareness Month, we want to explore a liberating truth: breaking free from codependency doesn’t mean rejecting our need for others. It means learning to place our ultimate trust in God, the One who is perfectly dependable.

The Fear of Needs

For many, codependency is rooted in the fear of being vulnerable or weak. If you had unmet needs early in life, experienced rejection in primary caregiver relationships, felt neglected, or were repeatedly criticized by others, you may have formed the belief, “My needs will only lead to hurt.” This is a rational, understandable message to have received from how you were treated in your earliest, most foundational (parents or caregivers) or most vulnerable (spouse, close friend, faith leaders) relationships. Strategies that helped you to survive in unsafe relationships with others when you truly were dependent (due to age, emotional need, financial need, spiritual needs etc.), but they no longer serve you well in mature, adult relationships that afford you choice. They keep you stuck in cycles of unmet needs, fear and unhealthy relationships.

God’s Answer to Our Fear of Needs

One of the most healing truths we can embrace is that our needs are not burdensome to God. Unlike human relationships, where we may have faced failure or rejection, God’s love is steadfast and dependable. He doesn’t despise our needs or begrudgingly tolerate us. He welcomes us, mess and all, and provides for us in ways we cannot imagine. He doesn’t expect perfection or strength from us—He desires our trust and reliance on Him. Philippians 4:19 reminds us: “And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of His glory in Christ Jesus.”

From Codependency to God-dependency

Humans cannot meet our deepest needs. Not because we are too needy, but because they are not our Father and Creator. They cannot speak value into the deepest recesses of our souls. When we are convinced of God’s love and secure in his grace, we can begin to prioritize his view of us above all others. He quiets our fears and gives us rest. It’s about shifting our primary source of dependence to God, allowing Him to guide and sustain us.

Consider the following three principles to increase your God-dependency:

Meditate on God as Your Anchor: Codependency often stems from looking to others for what only God can provide—security, identity, and worth. Human relationships, while vital, are fallible and subject to change. People may disappoint us, circumstances may shift, but God remains constant, unshaken by the ups and downs of life. Meditating on God as your anchor means regularly grounding yourself in His Word, reflecting on His promises, and reminding yourself that He alone is your source of stability. When storms arise, you can stand firm, knowing that your foundation is rooted in His unchanging love and faithfulness.
Embrace Your Needs as God-Given: We are relational beings who thrive in dependent connection with Him and reciprocity with others. When we deny our needs or try to meet them apart from God, we often fall into patterns of unhealthy dependency. Instead, embracing our needs means recognizing them as invitations to draw closer to God, allowing Him to provide for us in ways that no person ever could. It also means seeking relationships that reflect His love, such as ones that encourage mutual support rather than unhealthy reliance. When we view our needs through this lens, we move from fear and shame to faith and trust.
Imagine Yourself Releasing Control to God: Codependency thrives on the illusion that control will bring security—whether by fixing others, maintaining perfection, or avoiding conflict at all costs. However, this pursuit of control often leads to anxiety, exhaustion, and disappointment. True peace comes not from holding on tighter but from letting go. Imagine placing your worries, fears, and responsibilities in God’s hands, trusting Him to work things out according to His wisdom. Releasing control doesn’t mean neglecting responsibility; rather, it means recognizing that ultimate outcomes are in God’s hands, not ours. When we surrender to His care, we experience the freedom and peace that only He can provide.

God’s Love: The Ultimate Freedom

Codependency convinces us that we must earn love by being perfect, selfless, or needed. But God’s love is unconditional. He loves us not because of what we do but because of who He is.

We don’t need to be perfect—His grace is sufficient.

We don’t need to be strong—His power is made perfect in our weakness.

We don’t need to be self-reliant—He is our Jehovah Jireh, our Provider.

When we rest in God’s love, we find the courage to embrace vulnerability and the strength to break free from unhealthy patterns.

Walking the Path of Healing

It’s important to understand that codependency is not a sin in itself, though it may involve sinful patterns like control or people-pleasing. At its core, codependency is a wound—a response to pain that needs healing. It makes sense why someone might struggle to trust God or others, especially if their experiences have taught them that their needs lead to hurt.

At Boundless Hope, we don’t judge anyone for this struggle. Instead, we encourage you to begin the journey of healing by simply acknowledging how you feel. Find a quiet moment to sit or lie still before God. Let yourself cry or rest in His presence, imagining Him holding and comforting you like a loving parent. His arms are always open, offering peace, safety, and restoration.

As you reflect during Codependency Awareness Month, consider these questions:

Do you find it difficult to express your needs or believe they matter?
Are you looking to others to meet needs that only God can truly fulfill?
What would it look like to trust God with your deepest fears and vulnerabilities?

Freedom begins with surrender. Trust the Caretaker of your soul—He is faithful to meet every need. If this path feels overwhelming, know that you don’t have to walk it alone. At Boundless Hope, we are here to support you. Our therapists can help you navigate the journey toward healing, offering tools and prayerful guidance to help you lean into the love of God and find rest in Him.

From Fearful Codependency to Resting in God’s Love